Love Your Wife as Christ Loved the Church

We live in a culture that has taken what in its purest form is the most beautiful image of love that one could have for the other, and have twisted it into an idolatrous self-serving relationship. Every one seeks this thing, and will swear by their heart that this is the end goal for them, but is so far from understanding the weightiness that this responsibility holds. Marriage.

Many marriage sermons, conferences, retreats; will anchor themselves on Ephesians 5:25 “ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her...” It will typically be met with poor cliches of the speaker provoking the husbands of the room to sacrifice for their wife, to leave work at work and be present with their wife, they’ll remind them of what Paul wrote to the church in Corinth; “Love is patient, love is kind…” These make for okay motivational talks. But it is missing the significance of what Paul is saying to the church of Ephesus.

Let’s put ourselves in the first century. Paul wrote this letter to the church of Ephesus some time around AD 62, while being imprisoned in Rome. During this time culture was rampant with divorce. Men were given the right to divorce their wife on the grounds of anything that they saw fit. If they were not able to bare a child, if they found someone who was more beautiful, even if they so much as burned a meal, the men would have rights to divorce their wives. While women had no place of say, being that Greek and Roman societies were so heavily masculine favored. Even the Jews that referred to the mosaic law for their moral guidance would justify their grounds of divorce because it was Moses that said if you are to divorce your wife, then make sure you give her a certificate of divorce. In a culture where people get married at a very young age, and the possibility of having multiple marriage throughout your life is very likely, you can feel the shock the people of Ephesus felt as they read this letter that Paul wrote to them. You can feel the weightiness of this powerful statement that he is making. To love your wife the way that our Savior loves us.

As I was wrestling with this text as a man who is single, and beginning to see the heaviness that lies within its word, I was reminded of how there is no dating culture in this time. If you have ever sat under the teaching of a speaker that is giving a dating seminar they will remind you of this as well, and proceed to give you an hour long motivational talk on purity. This is an error. And if you are a speaker that does this I beg you to stop picking up the mic. The reality is, the dating culture of our time is what marriage was of their time. You find someone you are attracted to, you socially claim them as yours, you have sex, you find out about their flaws, you say we do not align, and you part ways. Single, married, divorced. Single, dating, friends. As I continued to wrestle with this text I felt the brokenness Paul might have had as he looked out and saw the destruction that divorce was causing in the church. How these people did not realize the damage they were doing to their souls every time they would do this.

One day I was pleading with the Lord about how I should approach my wife as a single man, and I heard the Lord say this verse to me “Taylor, I want you to love your wife as I loved the church,” and I said “well Lord we’re not married so how or why would I do that when I don’t even know her?” And I immediately heard the Lord say Romans 5:8. This verse changed everything in my heart, and is a verse that this culture needs to anchor themselves in while in the pursuit of marriage, in the pursuit of their wife, in their season of singleness. “Though while we were yet still sinners Christ died for you.” I began to weep as I thought about this verse and what it meant in this context. As Christ is the bridegroom, and we are the bride that He waits for; while we were unsaved, outside of marriage with Christ, living in depravity, being adulterous, living a life deserving of wrath, Christ was waiting for us. At the right hand of the Father, saying “I can’t wait till I am yours, I have so much grace for you, I have abounding love for you, my mercy will endure forever towards you, all those red flags that you are bringing with you drop them at my feet and be with me, I want all of you. Every flaw, every insecurity, every piece of your heart that has been damaged by sin, I want to restore you.” I was reminded of the prophet Hosea, whom God called to marry a prostitute to represent the relationship between He and Israel. How Gomer was adulterous towards Hosea, left him and going back to living in depravity to the point that she became a slave and was being sold in the marketplace. Then God calls Hosea to go, and buy your wife back, so that you may belong to her again. To this day we treat the Lord like this. And to this day the Lord waits there and says I want to belong to you.

Though while you were yet still a sinner Christ died for you. As you wait for your wife and you navigate this season of singleness, do you have a heart posture that is ready to receive her? Is your heart ready to love all the parts of her as she reveals more to you? Is your heart mature enough to see the fruit in her life? Is your heart mature enough to control your own sexual desires, to model for her what it is to have holiness and godliness? Can your heart handle what this culture would shout from the roof tops are her red flags? What if it is something that is deeply painful. Is your heart a safe enough place to hear her as she opens up about the time she was raped? How she placed in her trust in someone and they took advantage of it. Would you put on a show for the moment then turn and say she has too much baggage I need a virgin. Do you have the heart posture that can look at brokenness and say “I can’t wait till I am yours, I have so much grace for you, I have abounding love for you, my mercy will endure forever towards you, all those red flags that you are bringing with you drop them at my feet and be with me, I want all of you. Every flaw, every insecurity, every piece of your heart that has been damaged by sin, I want to restore you.” Please don’t hear what I am not saying, do not blow past qualities that make you not compatible with a person. Most of those qualities should be flushed out as friends. If you say you have to date and have sex with someone because you need to know how they handle their finances first before things progress you are lying to yourself and fooling no one.

It was Paul who said if I have all these things but I do not have love then I have nothing. This culture is a culture that has taken love and twisted it into something so wicked that nobody would want to receive it. So we settle for something so far from what love is. It satisfies for but a moment , then its numb again. This love has turned our culture into dope-feins, getting a quick fix that numbs them till it fades away and they need another hit injected into their veins. Turn away from this. Recognize how the Father loves you, so you can then turn and love your wife as you wait for her.